I believe that you cannot change anyone’s mind.  And no one can change your mind.  Only you can decide to change your own mind. 

But, you can influence others to decide to change their minds.  It is also possible to manipulate people to decide to change their minds.  A website chocked full of examples of both techniques is ChangingMinds.org.

I am pretty intrigued with the art of influencing others and I am constantly looking for new ways to do so.  However, this is different than manipulating others.  I make a conscious effort not to manipulate others.  So what is the difference between influence and manipulation?

Merriam-Webster defines influence as “the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command”, whereas manipulation is “to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.”

David Maxfield states in The Influencer Blog that a good check for whether you are trying to influence or manipulate someone is through using a discovery test.  Would your action lose power if people knew what you were doing and why?  If your action would lose power, then it is manipulation.  If it doesn’t lose power, it is influence.

For example, if you went to the manager of a team member, without the team member’s knowledge, and said “I need your support with insuring Frank is 100% dedicated to the project” you might have some explaining to do if Frank ever found out.  Since you probably wouldn’t desire Frank finding out, going directly to Frank’s boss behind his back is considered more manipulation than influence.

But, if you were to go to Frank first and explain that you see Frank being torn between multiple team commitments and that you would like to see if you and his manager can come up with a solution to insure Frank is not overloaded, Frank would probably actually appreciate the support from you.  This action would be seen more as using influence to insure the success of the project while still supporting Frank.

Great leaders influence; they don’t manipulate.  You should want to try to influence others rather than manipulate them.  You should want to influence your team, manager, department, or even company rather than manipulate them.

The next time you are considering ways to motivate others to action, use the “discovery test” first to determine if your plan is based on using influencing or manipulation.

So, What do you think?  Do you have any examples of influencing or manipulatating that you would like to share with others?  Hopefully, I can influence you to share your thoughts by asking you to leave a comment!

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